Not even religion is absent from the commonest topics for jokes:
A girl goes to an imam and asks him: “What is the punishment if I kiss a man?”
The imam answers: “Hell of course.”
The girl: “And if I kiss an imam?”
Answer: “Clever girl! You want to go to Paradise…”
A peasant is praying and asks: “God, please make Ramadan like the World Cup: once every four years and in a different country each time!”
“One day, a father turns up at the registry office to register his newborn son, but he has not yet decided on a name for the baby. The official reminds him of his duty as a good Muslim: “Why don’t you choose a name that ends in “Din” (= religion) such as Nur ed-Din, ‘Ezz ed-Din or Badr ed-Din?” Encouraged by these suggestions, the father has made his choice: “Yes! I’ve got it! I’ll call him James Dean’”.
A priest and an imam often meet in the streets of the city, both on a bicycle. One day, however, the priest is on foot and the imam asks him where his bike has got to. “I don’t know what happened to it!” he replies “Perhaps someone stole it…”. His colleague advises him to focus his sermons on the Commandments and to insist on “Thou shalt not steal!” Some time later, the two meet and both are on bikes. “So you took my advice,” says the imam “and they gave it back to you!” “Not at all,” admits the priest, “when I got to “Thou shalt not commit adultery!” I suddenly remembered where I’d left it!”.
A teacher asks his pupil: “Who is the prophet who spoke to animals?”.
The pupil answers: “Our Lord Tarzan, peace be upon him”.
An imam often goes to a priest’s house to chat and drink wine until the small hours in the morning. Once they were having more fun than usual but as it was getting very late, the imam said he should go as in a few hours he would have to get up for the dawn prayer. The priest reassures him and tells him he can sleep there, promising that the sacristan would wake him up in time. And he did but, still half asleep and drunk, the imam put on the priest’s cassock instead of his own clothes. When he was in front of the mirror, he exclaimed: “What an idiot that sacristan is, instead of waking me up, he woke the priest!”.
In Bahrain, where there is a large Shi’ite community, as the anniversary of the martyrdom of Imam Husayn approached (slaughtered by the caliphs of Damascus), the authorities tell the local Shi’ite imam: “In your sermon don’t mention that it was the Syrians’ fault, don’t stoke up the conflict between the Sunnites and the Shi’ites, don’t mention Christians or Jews and above all don’t describe how he was killed.” Dejected, the imam asks: “Should I say that he died because he was electrocuted whilst he was drying his hair?”
A pious Muslim had been looking for a parking place for a long time in vain. He is expected for some important business and he begins to worry… “Oh God,” he prays to himself, ” if you help me find a place in 5 minutes I promise I will never eat anything forbidden again in the rest of my life”. At that very moment he found a place and cried out: “You can stop looking, Lord, I’ve just found one!”.
In Egypt, Copts and Muslims are arguing because the former want to build a church and the latter a mosque in exactly the same place. To avoid coming to blows, they agree to do this: each group will dig until they find something that indicates whether in the past the site was traditionally Christian or Muslim. After a long time and great efforts, the Muslims start crying out for joy: “Allahu akbar!” The Christians run up to them and ask: “What have you found?” “The cross that belonged to Prophet Muhammad!”.
